How to Run-down Your Immune System & Compromise Your Vocal Performance Ability

A helpful 12-step guide. Though to be clear, these steps are not for everyone and work best with those who have been suffering from what seem to be unusual fall throat and sinus allergies.

Step 1: Don't get enough sleep. Sure, some of you may be tempted to skip ahead to the more advanced steps, but step 1 is arguably the most important. As always, preparation is key. I would recommend no more than 6 and a half hours of sleep a night for a minimum of 1 week. To help you with this goal, I recommend staying up late doing work or indulging in the offerings available on Netflix Instant.

Step 2:
After you've been slowly rolling back the amount of sleep you get for what feels like appropriate amount of time, pick a Saturday and give group and private piano lessons for 5 and a half hours. This step works best if you chose a Saturday when your voice is feeling particularly tired.

Step 3: That night, sing 3 sets of music in front of a kick-ass rock & soul cover band (I recommend In The Pocket, but I hear that they already have a lead singer). Do not go to sleep until at least 4am.

Step 4: Get up the following day at 10am to help prepare and celebrate a 1st birthday party. Included in the party will be abundant amounts of southern food, soda, and beer. (Note: do not attempt to drink enough water as this will compromise the effectiveness of these steps.)

Step 5: Continue Step 1, with the addition of eating foods that are less than stellar in the health department.

Step 6: The following Friday night, perform 2 sets in front of your kick-ass rock & soul cover band. Continue poor eating habits.

Step 7: Go to Mahoney's in Poughkeepsie at 2AM. Theoretically, any bar will do. However, I cannot personally vouch for the effectiveness of other drinking establishments. Do not go to sleep until 4am.

Step 8: Wake up at 8am in order to give 5 and a half hours of group and private lessons. Talk as much as you possibly can.

Step 9: Go from lessons to a birthday get-together where you consume hot dogs, hamburgers, soda, and more.

Step 10: Play a solo/acoustic show that night - 2...and a half sets - at your favorite local Irish bar. Don't get to sleep until 3AM.

Step 11: Wake up at 10:30AM.

Step 12:
Spend 6+ hours at the recording studio working on new demos for your awesome cover band and tracks for your own album. Make sure you have to sing scratch vocals for at least 13 songs.

*The results of this 12-step program will vary from person to person. This program is based on the sole experience of myself. Data on recovery time is not as of yet available.

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    © STEVE SCHULTZ