An Open Letter To HIMYM

OK, How I Met Your Mother - here's the deal: we don't care about anything but Barney getting together with Robin, and Ted meeting the mother. Everything else, at this point, is just filler. Now, I realize that might be tough to hear, but you brought it on yourself - despite the fact that last night's episode was pretty great with the bro-bibs and referencing "The Playbook," the Marvin sight gags and...wait...where was I? Oh yeah.

Kids, look: we love Lily, Marshall, and even little Marvin (despite his frequent absences...or maybe because of them), but in all honesty, their major story lines are over. They broke up in season 1, got back together and married in season 2, bought an apartment in season 3, Marshall lost his dad in season 6, Marshall got his dream job and they had little Marvin last season, and Lily finally got close with her dad for good earlier this season. Do we really care about Marshall winning his first big environmental case? No, not really. I mean, in the flashforward at the end of S3E2 we see what Lily and Marshall look like in 2029, what they're wearing, and the house that they live in. So, we know that they do very well. Does Marshall become a judge? What does it matter? In a show based at its deepest level on the pursuit and finding of love, they've already found theirs.

But we do care about Barney and Robin - and we're ready. They've gone through their ups and downs over the seasons in life - Robin's infertility, Barney's dad, Robin's career pursuits, and whatever the hell it is Barney exactly does for a living - and love, but quite frankly no storyline like that matters at all after the season 7 finale. It didn't matter how Barney's relationship with Quinn went, because we knew that it wasn't going to last. Same thing with Robin and Nick, and now Barney and Patrice?! Some people say that when you finally find "the one," things that happened in your past cease to matter. Well, that's how we feel about Barney and Robin, only we still have to suffer through everything that isn't going to matter. Barney and Robin are supposed to be together, all we want to do is get to the day of that wedding, and we're a little tired of the back and forth delaying the inevitable. (Now, whether or not they actually get married is another story...but we're interested in that one!)

And Ted. This is the other reason we want desperately to get to the day of Barney and Robin's wedding, thanks to information revealed in the season 6 premiere and later confirmed in this season's premiere. Ted meets the mother on the day of the wedding thanks to a situation that lands him at the Farhampton train station in the rain and that yellow umbrella. So, again, we need to get to that day! Nothing else matters. And we're ready.

We've all been fans of the show for years, but it's not season 5, anymore, and we've been together too long for you to be playing these games with us. "Who Wants To Be a Godparent?" Doesn't matter. Which member of the gang has the biggest rap sheet? Doesn't matter. Barney and Robin, Ted and the mother. That's what matters. Barney and Robin, Ted and the mother. Yes, it is going to be legendary, but we've been waiting for it for quite some time now.

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    © STEVE SCHULTZ